Book Introduction Note: To make it easier for the reader, the pronoun he/him is used [for Manjamma Jogathi] in the early years when the overt identity was male, later switching to she/her as her inner woman began to be acknowledged and started to flourish.
It was the time when Bharat Talkies in Kampli had been airing Apoorva Sangama, a movie starring the famous Kannada actors, Rajkumar and Ambika, for a week or so. Manja was left alone and could not resist his temptation to watch the movie. But these temptations went further, as did his courage to break a few barriers. He went to the theatre dressed in Gandhima’s sari and blouse. With a genuine sense of joy, he bought a balcony ticket and reclined on the seat. The curtains lifted and the movie commenced. Manja was taken by the heroine’s allure the moment she appeared on screen. He was at once enamoured of her beauty, her coy movements and the vivid saris she wore. The atmosphere in the theatre became febrile, the audience whistling and dancing. Suddenly, a fear of a crackdown by Gandhima seized Manja’s heart. Since then, he watched the movie with mixed feelings of panic and enchantment for some time.
As the movie proceeded to a romantic song, Manja’s heartbeat grew faster. He turned more anxious but sat with his eyes fixed on the screen. Much to his misfortune, a few minutes later, he spotted Gandhima in the theatre, her restless and infuriated eyes—visible in the darkened hall due to the light from the screen—searching for him. Manja edged past the audience and ran home, only to be seen by the theatre’s watchman. He reached home, put on his usual clothes and lay down, covering himself from head to toe with a blanket. But he did not sleep. He could not; he lay there shivering beneath the blanket.
Gandhima kicked open the door and started flogging Manja mercilessly. Manja urinated in fear and screamed in pain. But Gandhima did not relent. On hearing his cries of pain, a few neighbours rushed inside the house and rescued him. It took three days for him to recover from the fever the pain had caused. But the woman in him remained and obstinately began to rise above all oppression.
There were many occasions when Gandhima treated Manja maliciously. But it did not alter his respect for her, for he had come to understand Gandhima’s true intent. In his prolonged combat to decipher what was happening to him, Manja no longer felt any anger towards his family. He never protested or held contempt for Gandhima’s beatings and abuse. His silence and acceptance must have weighed heavily on Gandhima’s mind. She began to despise herself, given her failed exertions to prevent another trans woman from living openly in the world. At times, it clearly showed on her face. Nevertheless, she used her authority to force Manja to be manly for some more time.
A few more weeks passed. Gandhima realized Manja could never be protected from his femininity by human efforts. Thus, surrendering to the divine was the sole answer. Whether she had wanted to guide another trans woman or not is unknown, but in effect, she had. According to the adult Manjamma, the cloaks and veneers of masculinity were ripped off completely under Gandhima’s watch. She was brought to her true self here, and her acceptance of herself was the product of observing Gandhima’s lifestyle.
‘Yes, Gandhima was highly abusive towards me’, Manjamma declared years later. ‘However, she did what she did because she did not want me to suffer as she had suffered’.
At this point, Gandhima decided to wash her hands of the responsibility of caring for Manja. She sent him back to his parents, saying, ‘You’re a deceptive bastard of the highest degree. Yet, I pray for the Goddess to always be on your side’.
Publisher: Niyogi Books
Pages: 200
Price: Rs 595
This excerpt has not been edited by queerbeat.